Big Fish

It is said that goldfish only grow as big as their bowls allow. If you drop the fish into a pond (granted there is no ‘welcoming committee’ higher on the food chain), he can grow to massive proportions. So it is with people.

I’m told, “Everything is super-sized in America!” Europeans assess the length of our cars, the height of skyscrapers, the ever-increasing sprawl of suburbia, and even the diameter of our tenderloin sandwiches. However, for those who have never visited America, contrasting imagery in American advertising leaves them perplexed. A commonly asked question is one that is whispered close to my ear. “Do you think people are fatter in America or here?” They breathe a sigh of relief when I refute their greatest fear. (Don’t become lackadaisical UK, those fish n’ chips may soon catch up with our Big Mac!)

It is common knowledge that combating obesity begins with reduction. Countless diets and meal plans recommend leaving those last few bites on the plate, serving smaller portions and even serving on smaller plates. I think it goes much further than that. America should reduce the metaphorical ‘bowl’. Cars in the style of Mini or Vauxhall would not only leave us conscious of our increasing mass, but also would be fuel-efficient and allow more space on the roads for cyclists and joggers.

Smaller houses would act as a catalyst bringing families closer together to work out grievances as they arise, instead of driving 40 miles to a therapist. As space becomes a premium in homes, fewer televisions and videogames would clutter bedrooms and basements. The lure of spacious parks and open porches may draw families out to discover they have neighbors.

Of course, along with this reduction plan, Super Wall-Mart would become superseded and MegaMalls replaced by soccer fields and nature trails. As a result, a revival of family owned shops would flood the city center. Words like butcher, market, confectionary, free-range eggs, delicatessen, tailor/seamstress, and bakery may soon be restored to our vocabulary.

Schools would have to be reorganized into smaller county districts. Placing students within walking distance to their playground and schoolmates. Consequently, the student teacher ratio would become closer allowing teachers to accommodate both the advanced students as well as the challenging ones.

Corporate farming would become obsolete placing the land back into family run farms. Without the domineering competition, it may actually become profitable to be a farmer again.

Cleaner air, closely-knit families, smarter schools and self-sustaining communities may be an absolutely ridiculous idea, especially one that stems from a weight loss strategy. Therefore, any objections should be directed to:

Mr. Gold Fish

C/o Glass Bowl

159 Tattynuckle Rd

Fivemiletown

BT75 0TA